i was drawn to the ocean

i am not doing so well today. i feel profoundly empty and sad. i think it is probably hormonal. *shrugs* But i have gotten quite a bit accomplished today, so that is good. i took out the trash, tidied the living room, office, and kitchen, did several loads of laundry, folded several loads of laundry, made lunch and dinner, made fresh iced tea, refilled the ice trays twice...i'm sure there's more but i can't remember right now. Dinner tonight was turkey meatloaf, green beans, mashed potatoes, and drop biscuits. i only dropped them from the spoon onto the stone though, not onto the floor or anything. So that's good. i feel very destructive. i have fantasized about ripping off the ugly wallpaper in the kitchen with my bare hands, about going nuts with spray paint (don't worry, we don't even have any) and other stuff that i don't really feel like mentioning here and now. i am working on channeling that destructive energy into a more positive, creative energy. That would be better.

i really, really wish my dad loved me. And i really, really wish that i didn't care that he doesn't.

i'm also feeling the need to make music...to play my flute or to drum or chant or do Stomp-ish things.

Beauiful October, dazzling me with your brilliant crimsons and saffrons, soothing me with your sage and earthy timbers, you are a harbinger of death, indeed. But there is no ending without a new beginning. My online name used to be dancingleaf. Some of you will probably remember that.

Enough random babbling...and now for something completely not different at all.

Gratitude List:
1. Milena
2. xoraclex
3. minxieone
4. kerinda
5. KISSING THE WITCH, the absolutely delightful book that box_o_spiders loaned me
6. ideas
7. restraint/self-control
8. being able to be helpful
9. being able to be helped
10. October
11. learning
12. my love of reading
13. MaryGina
14. memories
15. weather.com
16. Live Journal
17. trying new things
18. hope