i was drawn to the ocean

As of today, it has been one year since i have had any real amount of caffeine.  i'm pretty proud of myself.

i didn't wake up almost two hours before my alarm went off today like i did yesterday.  When my alarm went off today, i was still in a sound sleep.  i had to get up extra early because of the boys going back to school today, and when that alarm started blaring at 5:55, i was not ready to get up. 

The foundation workers are already here and jackhammering.  i am so tempted to make a cup of coffee.  It's been over 5 months now since i've had any *real* amount of caffeine (i've had tea and chocolate, but that's it).

Speaking of time milestones--it's been 6 months since my name change was finalized!  i can't believe how fast the time has gone.

Well, i'm off to go make the bed, and try to avoid the temptation to crawl back in it...

Thursday Night Gratitude List:

~ Milena
~ i've been good about remembering to make the bed and wash my face
~ it's been two weeks now since i've had caffeine
~ hugs from my children
~ effective communication

Less than eight hours until Summer Solstice.  The exact time is 8:36 a.m. Eastern (U.S.) time.  i am going to try to sit out on the porch and have a cup of tea or something, burn some incense, and engage in some quiet reflection.  Probably my children will thwart this, but i'll do my best.  i really do want to try to get up extra early tomorrow so i can be awake and alert and showered and dressed and have a few moments to center myself so i can try to enjoy that time.

It's been over a week and a half now since i've had caffeine (except for the occasional glass of iced tea) and i'm doing fine!  i've been drinking more milk and also have rediscovered my love of apple juice.  Mmmmmm, apple juice.

Tuesday Night Gratitude List:

~ Milena
~ Kids eat free at Tony Roma's on Tuesday nights, and their garlic seared green beans are SO delicious!
~ kerinda
~ malanai
~ doss
~ buttery popcorn
~ apple juice
~ leftovers
~ memories
~ courage

i feel very depressed today.  And SO tired.  Such is coming off caffeine, i guess.  i wonder if i'll ever be able to be a motivated, productive person without caffeine.  i am truly an addict.  i don't intend to give it up completely simply because i do enjoy a nice cold glass of iced tea or a hot cuppa now and then, but i definitely don't intend to go back to drinking as much pop as i used to.  On the bright side, the intracranial pressure is gone, thus my caffeine withdrawal headache is also gone.  Oh, i'm also not giving up chocolate.  Because DUH.  Hey, i wonder how much weight i've gained back.  i meant to step on the scale this morning and then i got busy doing other things and forgot.  But with losing about ten pounds in 4.5 days of sickness, surely i've already gained some of it back now that i can eat again.  Last night i had a milk shake, a peanut butter milk shake made with chocolate milk, and i really wanted to enjoy it but all i could think about was that i wished i had gotten just ice cream instead.  i seriously (SRSLY!!!!!!!111) cannot even see clearly at this point so i think i'm gonna go lie down and ponder my caffeine addiction some more.

Call me Aslaksen.
Or wishy-washy.
Or something.
Wheeeee! a fence!

i think i'm kind of starting to get better.

i'll probably post more later. Right now i feel really tired, headachey, crampy, and still a bit icky. Also, i think i'm finally giving up soft drinks/soda/Coke. i don't want to say i'm giving up caffeine completely because i intend to still drink coffee, iced tea, eat chocolate, etc. But being so sick has presented me with an opportunity to go off soda, which i had been wanting to do for a very very long time anyway. It has been about 48 hours since i have had any soda. Actually, it's been 48 hours since i've drank anything caffeinated, too.

Grats:
~ Milena
~ finally starting to feel better physically and make less trips to the bathroom
~ quiet
~ pleasant naps
~ my children
~ black cherry koolaid
~ kindred spirits
~ my typing skills