i was drawn to the ocean

The mothering instinct of animals -- the cute factor on this one is off the charts

Woman breastfeeds tiger cubs in Myanmar

I'm thinking that's where I was one year ago at this moment. Evan was born August 23 2002 at 1:42 p.m. Wow.

I saw a tinytiny baby at the mall yesterday. *wistful sigh*
It just goes by so quickly.

He is nursing less and less often. Sometimes only once or twice in 36 hours. He's getting more subcutaneous fat, he is needing a haircut. He is not my baby nursling any more.

*tug tug*

It is oracle0415's and her husband's wedding anniversary today. And other friends are celebrating an anniversary as well.

Wow, I have really become jaded about organized religion. Yes, I'm being random. At least I'm writing something right.

Well yet another possibility on the Mother's Helper position has fallen through. Fallen through. I am starting to think maybe I'm scaring them off. I don't know how. But that's what it is beginning to look like. I could just cry. I am so overwhelmed and tired and in pain and now I'm even resorting to throwing myself this here pity party. I have to hire someone soon. Argh.

On a happier note, the dentist I took the kids to today was very good, and Eva the hygienist has the patience of a saint! Either that, or she gets high on nitrous during her breaks and lunch, lol! Really though, it was a surprisingly good experience for all.

Dr. Taylor is horribly sick so John's and my dental checkups have been postponed...

I've been major craving chocolate today. It almost seems like PMS. I feel boiling mad and hopelessly cry-y at the same time.

Sleep deprivation sucks! I use the computer while I nurse Evan, I listen to the radio / CD's during the day when Evan isn't crying, I do my best to take care of the babies, and then Matthew comes home from school and then we do dinner and homework and sometimes soccer practice and bath time and before you know it here I am again at almost 2 o'clock in the morning nursing Evan and starting the whole thing all over again. Sometimes I get really lucky and manage to get a shower before 3 p.m.

Done with my pity party for now...

This evening John and I both had eye exams. My vision is like 2200/20 or something like that. Anyway, without my contacts I'm legally blind. Lovely. And, since May 2001 my eyes have deteriorated so much more that my prescription changed and I had to plunk down $178 because of that. :-(

Then we went to see my aunt Mary's new house. It is very nice. I especially like her office and her kitchen. The other rooms are okay but those rooms are awesome! She had a nice little gift for Evan and for me. I meant to take her a housewarming gift but in the chaos of my horrible day, I forgot. Feel pretty lousy about that.

Then we went to the gas station, put gas in my car and then I nursed Evan.

Then we had a very late dinner at O'Charley's. Dropped off some mail, and home again home again.

My allergies are acting up and my back is still hurting REALLY bad! :-(

Must get to bed and attempt to sleep...

When I was preg with my first child, I was on bed rest for a VERY long time so I got a lot of reading done! I read Dr. Sears' THE BABY BOOK, and quite honestly, I thought most of it was bunk! To me, it sounded like a bunch of extreme-radical hippie type stuff. I was so young and naive...

I didn't bf my 1st child Matthew, b/c he wouldn't latch on...this was before the hospital had round-the clock IBCLC's on board...anyway he ended up being bottle/formula fed. At that time, we lived in a one-bedroom apartment, so he slept in his crib, but right next to our bed in the same room. I didn't have a sling but I had a Snugli-type carrier. I only used it once or twice, because it was so uncomfortable with my abundant chest!

Matthew has always been a daddy's boy...he's six now and I think I really missed out on a lot of connection/bonding with him. He has ADHD and we have a really difficult time with his behaviour. I recently read THE DISCIPLINE BOOK by Dr. Sears, and found it to be very insightful.

Our 2nd child, Avery is now 19 months old. When he was born, at first I wasn't even going to try to bf him b/c of the probs I'd had with nursing Matthew. But it became really important to me to at least give it a shot. The first few days were very challenging, but then we had a great bf relationship. He ended up sleeping in our bed, b/c of being bf. By the time he was 3 weeks old, he would sleep from 12 am - 6 am. During the day, though, he wanted to nurse every 1.5-2 hours. He is a real momma's boy, and we have thoroughly enjoyed one another. When he was about 5 months old, we moved him into his crib, which was in our room, and he did just fine with that.

When I became preg with our 3rd baby, Evan, we moved into a house with my mom. She lives in the downstairs and we live in the upstairs. Anyway, there are 3 bedrooms, so we figured one room would be Matthew's, one would be ours, and the other would be a nursery for Avery and Evan. Evan, like Avery, had his own plans! :-) Evan is now 7 weeks old and he sleeps between mom and dad. I did use a NoJo sling with both Avery and Evan. I love my slings! And my boppys! I keep 2 slings--one in the house and one in the car; and 3 boppys--1 in the bedroom, 1 in the living room, and 1 in the car.

So anyway, with Matthew I almost rejected the ideals of attachment parenting, with Avery I AP'd without really even realizing we were doing it, and by the time Evan came along that had just simply become our way of parenting...

Well, tonight is the first time I've had access to the computer since Wednesday evening. Thursday I decided to rearrange the living room (not very smart, barely being 6 weeks postpartum and having already hurt my arm roller skating!) Anyway, after I moved the desk to where I wanted it, I waited for John to get home to set up the computer and all that. He set it up promptly but that night Matthew had soccer practice and we interviewed Shannon, so really all he did was place it on the desk, nothing plugged in, modem/phone cord not arranged etc. So then Friday Avery was sick, he just wanted to be held all evening. He was very feverish and he cried and cried. So nothing got done Friday. That's okay though. It was nice to be able to comfort my baby. Well I guess he's not THE baby anymore but he's still MY baby. Yesterday morning Matthew had a soccer game and we went grocery shopping and ran a few other errands. Avery still wasn't feeling well. Today (Sunday) we all went to Metamora for Canal Days. It was such a gorgeous day. There was a pleasant breeze. I practiced restraint in buying/resisting clutter. We had a very nice lunch in a little, well I don't know whether to call it a dive or a diner...little of both I guess. I did get the most adorable little faerie figurines to put in the nursery, and I'm hoping they are part of a series...I'd love to collect them! I got two, and they're by Boyd's Bears. I also bought some baskets so I can get the shelves on the changing table organized the way I've been wanting to. And some assorted baby items. And of course, you can't leave Canal Days without kettle corn! YUM! It was a very pleasant drive, to and from. And on the way home there must have been some kind of bike rally or something, never before have I seen so many motorcycles at one time! There must have been a few thousand! I was quite impressed.

One of my strongest memories/images from today was when we stopped browsing so I could nurse Evan. It was early afternoon, the sun was shining but it wasn't really hot. Anyway, I found this huge, I mean HUGE old tree offering plenty of shade, took Evan out of the sling, laid the sling down on the ground, and nursed him right there under the tree. I don't thing anyone really even realized what I was doing, besides my own family of course. I was wearing my one and only nursing top, so I was able to be quite discreet but I just felt like quite the natural mama/nursing mama feeding my little darling there under that tree, feeling the wind on my face. It was a really neat experience. I do need to get some more nursing tops, since I only have one. I recently bought some button-down shirts, thinking they would be just as good, but when you've got boobs like mine, not quite!

Well it's very late and I know John wants to get to bed. We really need to start going to bed earlier. It just seems like we don't really get anything done until the kids are asleep...