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namaste21's Interview Answered here (includes birth story and a lot of introspection)
Wow, Namaste, these are tough ones!!
What qualities are most important to you in a person? Is there anyone that you seek to be like?
There are several qualities that are important to me, including but not limited to honesty, strength of character, compassion, and humility. One person that I would really like to be like is actually a character, oddly enough --Abby, Dharma's mother from Dharma and Greg. There are others, but I can't really think of them right now.
Can you tell me about the birth of your youngest child (the natural childbirth), and why you chose to go that route?
I have had three children. My first two pregancies were very problematic and I had many complications, including being severely preeclamptic. By the time I gave birth to my first child, it was my 4th time being admitted to the hospital. I ended up being there for nine days. I would have liked to have attempted an unmedicated birth, but due to my stroke-level blood pressure, that was not possible. I was in labour for about 33.5 hours total, and I was given an epidural about 21 hours in. After Matthew was born, I was hooked up to at least 3 IV's and due to all of the concerns regarding my health, I wasn't able to nurse him right away. I didn't even get to try to nurse him until he was almost 12 hours old, and he just wouldn't latch on. At that time, the hospital was not as pro-breastfeeding as they are now...they did not have LCs available around the clock, etc. Anyway, we were finger-feeding him with a tube (SNS) and I was pumping, but it just didn't work out. He was crying and frustrated, I was crying and frustrated, and finally I said, just give the baby a bottle. And so he was a formula baby. I had a lot of guilt over that. Any time I saw a commercial or read something about breastfeeding, I would cry. I was 18 years old when he was born, I turned 19 two months later. Anyway, I was so young, and so uneducated regarding pregnancy and birth. Sure I read WHAT TO EXPECT... and THE GIRLFRIENDS' GUIDE... (I didn't know any better, lol) but for the most part I just honestly felt like the doctors and nurses were the experts and I trusted them to do what was "right." At one point, I had to have an amniocentesis and the doctor got the amnio needle *stuck* in my abdomen. It was horrific. I started having abdominal contractions, and my body went into shock. I was shaking and hyperventilating and vomiting, and the doctor walked out of the room without so much as an apology.
On to baby number 2. I didn't get pregnant with Avery until Matthew was 4 years old. I was beginning to think we had become infertile. I still hadn't really bothered to educate myself about birth, etc. I went to the same group of OBs that I had gone to with Matthew. We did attend the childbirth refresher course, breastfeeding course, and sibling course (for Matthew) offered by the hospital. I knew that I wanted to attempt to breastfeed Avery but I was trying not to have my heart set on it. I didn't buy any nursing bras or anything else breastfeeding related, just in case it didn't work out. When I was about 36 weeks or so, I was admitted to the hospital for PIH. I was admitted on a Monday afternoon and released on a Friday afternoon, with strict instructions to check my blood pressure myself at home, and with a prescription for the high blood pressure. I made it through the weekend, and then Monday morning I had a regularly scheduled appointment. My bp was through the roof, and I was spilling +4 protein into my urine. Dr. J (the only one in the group I really liked) patted my leg and said, "I think it's time to throw in the towel." and sent me over to the hospital for an induction. I told myself I was going to attempt an unmedicated birth (but of course I had done nothing to prepare for this, lol) but I caved pretty quickly when those pitocin-induced contractions starting hitting me. So again, I had an epidural. When I was fully dilated/effaced and ready to push, the cord slipped around Avery's neck and caused his heart rate to plummet. Suddenly my room looked like a scene from MASH. There were 11 doctors and nurses in my room, plus my husband, his mother, my mother, and 2 of my best friends. Dr. J was the one on call at this time (it was the next day, the day after he sent me over for the induction) so I was very glad that it was him. I trusted him. A nurse put an oxygen mask on me, and they were all flipping me from side to side, and another nurse jabbed a needle into my back. I was very scared. No one was explaining to me exactly what was going on or why. Then I heard Dr. J ask for the forceps. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I said "Can't I just push him out?" Dr. J looked me square in the eye and told me that he was very concerned about the baby's heart rate, and that it was imperative to get the baby out as quickly as possible. I nodded through my tears, and heard my mother say "I don't think you realize how hard she can push!" LOL So he decided to let me try to push. I gave a really good strong push, and on the second one, the baby's head was out. He was completely fine. Because Dr. J thought he was going to use the forceps, he had done an episiotomy in which I was cut diagonally. During the birth process, the episiotomy extended into a pretty severe laceration that extended into the labia. I had a LOT of pain postpartum from that. In hindsight, I was angered that he did that to me. But all in all, I know that I am extremely fortunate that I didn't end up with emergency c-sections with both of my first two births.
When Avery was nine months old, I found out I was pregnant with baby #3. I was very freaked out, and scared, and I cried a lot. I was also very worried about what everybody was going to say. I felt so stupid. Well, everyone was happy for us. I quickly got past my fear, and my apprehension and began to enjoy the pregnancy. I knew for sure that I was going to breastfeed this baby, as I had successfully nursed Avery for ten months. I started considering hiring a doula. I wasn't sure about wanting an unmedicated birth, but I knew that I wanted to experience this birth for the sacred life event that it is, rather than as a medical emergency as I had with my previous births. I found the MOM AND BABY PRE NATAL YOGA video with Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa on eBay and bought it and loved it! I can honestly say that video inspired me to make some very important, positive, and life-changing choices. I was getting more exercise, drinking more pure water, paying more attention to what I ate, trying to eat more natural foods, and perhaps most importantly, becoming more in tune with my own body. When I was five months along, I started looking for a doula. I contacted several, and interviewed four. I really felt like I clicked with the one I ended up hiring, S. She lent me a video that showed a natural, home birth, and recommended several books to me. I read the Bradley book, Birthing From Within, The Birth Partner, The Birth Book, and The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. My husband also read The Thinking Woman's Guide... and The Birth Partner. During one conversation with my doula, S, we talked about the group of OBs that I went to. She recommended a local dr. and I ended up switching doctors at six months pregnant. I am so very thankful that Dr. Oak took me on six months pregnant, with my high-risk status, and history of complications. By that point in time, I knew I wanted to have a natural birth, and I knew that I wouldn't get it if I stayed with the group I was with. There aren't any alternative birthing centers reasonably near here, and lay midwifery is illegal in this state so a home birth was out of the question. However, I had a lot of faith and trust in my new doctor, as well as in my doula. S had attended births at this hospital previously. I found a Birthing From Within instructor, Irene, and she didn't have any classes coming up, so we made arrangements to have private classes with her in our home. Those classes helped me so much! I learned what my best coping mechanisms are. I learned a lot about my strength, and my capabilities. I learned that music helped me immensely. I could just go inside myself and concentrate on the music. So then I started picking out labour music. My favourites were Loreena McKennitt and Enya. The BFW instructor, Irene, was so helpful, and it turns out she is a doula also. If I hadn't already retained S, I probably would have hired Irene instead. I just clicked better with Irene...she was more like me. If we ever have another baby (probably in 5 years or so) I intend to hire Irene to be my doula, and have a home birth. Anyway, on a Thursday evening, Matthew had soccer practice, so while he was at practice, John and I put Avery in the stroller and did the walking trail (almost 3 miles) at the park where his soccer practice was. I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions for some time, and in hindsight I am sure that I was in pre-labour. The next morning I got up and had breakfast with John and told him not to stray too far from the office...I just had a feeling. I put Matthew on the school bus and went back to bed, having contractions 7-10 minutes apart all morning. I just laid in bed, drifting in and out of sleep. (Avery is a late sleeper) By 11 am, they were 7-8 minutes apart. By 12 pm, they were 3-5 minutes apart. My mom lives downstairs from us, and she came home from work for lunch at 12 p.m. During the time that she was home for lunch, I had several contractions, I couldn't eat, and I kept feeling like I had to go to the bathroom. At this point I was pretty sure that This Was It. Every time I had a contraction, I made some excuse to leave the room and then I would go into the bathroom or the nursery to breathe through the contraction. I didn't want Mom to know I was in labour because I figured I had several hours of labouring at home ahead of me before I would even go to the hospital (part of my plan to have my natural birth was to stay home for as long as possible) and I knew that if she knew I was labour she would freak out and want me to go to the hospital right then. So she finished her lunch and went back to work. I immediately called S, my doula, and told her I was pretty sure I was in labour. She listened to me talk/breathe through a few contractions, and confirmed that it was labour. At this point, the contractions were less than a minute apart, and S advised me to call John (dh), call my dr. and she (S) would meet me at the hospital. I called John and told him to come home, then I called my mom at work, and told her to come home to stay with Avery and get Matthew off the school bus. I called Dr. O and at that point, I felt like I was going to have the baby right there in the living room. I was kneeling over the rocking chair, moaning. I had my Loreena McKennitt CD on, and I was in transition. I was shaking and sweating, and almost incoherent. The one coherent thought that I had was that I was thinking we had an extra shower curtain liner that I could go get and spread it out on the floor if necessary. I didn't want to ruin the carpet! John got home, with Mom right behind him. It took us about 5 minutes to gather up a few things and get out the door, but we left the house at about 1:25 p.m. Just walking from my front door to my car which was parked in the driveway, I had to stop twice for contractions. As we were turning onto the street that leads to the hospital my water broke. It was such a relief! (for a moment) After the initial feeling of surprise and relief, I then had the urge to push in a really strong way. It was all I could do to fight it. I had John drive up to the Emergency entrance because I didn't want to waddle through the regular part of the hospital covered in amniotic fluid, etc. John ran in ahead of me and came back out with an EMT. The EMT was trying to get me to get out of the car, but I was having contractions one on top of another and I couldn't even think about trying to get out of the car, much less actually attempt doing so. He was really pestering me, saying, "maam, can you get out of the car...maam do you need help getting out of the car." Finally, I looked right at him and said, "Can you give me a goddamned minute?!" He backed off then. I got out of the car, and then the EMT tried to get me to get in a wheel chair. No way. The baby was crowning and I could feel it and there was no way in hell I was going to sit down. We got inside the hospital and an ER nurse escorted us from the ER to L & D. Let me tell you, I never realized just how far apart they were! We went through a back/access hallway, and I kept having to stop and lean on the wall and breathe/moan through contractions. The poor nurse had a death grip on my arm! I think she knew that if she let go of me, I would have just sat down on the floor and had the baby right there in the hallway. And I would have. I was to that point. Every time somebody came upon us or passed us, they tried to get a wheelchair. If I had a dollar for every person that tried to get my butt in a wheelchair, I could have paid the doula fee in cash! Apparently, the ER had called ahead to L&D because when we got there, there was a gaggle of doctors and nurses waiting for us. I looked around for Dr. O and someone told me that she had just called from her cell phone to say she was parking her car and would be right in. I remember saying something like, "well, she better hurry." I was still refusing the wheelchair, and at this point, one of the nurses pushed me down into a wheelchair and was pushing me down the hall backwards. Every room they tried to put me in, there was a problem--either the room wasn't prepped, or there was already a patient in it! They finally got me into a room, and several of the nurses started getting everything ready like they thought they were going to have this regular, high-tech birth. They were putting paper in the EFM, getting the IV ready, etc. I would have laughed if I hadn't been in so much pain. I then heard one of the nurses say, "let's lift her onto the bed." I said, "you can't lift me, I'm too fat" and I stood up and slipped off my right shoe. As I was getting ready to slip off my left shoe (my thought was just to get up on the bed on my hands and knees so I could have the baby) another nurse removed my pants, and the baby was literally born right then! Remember how I said we left the house at 1:25 pm...the baby was born at 1:42 pm. As soon as I realized what had happened, I looked behind me and squawked, "did the baby hit the floor?! did the baby hit the floor?!" I was so concerned because when I had Avery, his umbilical cord was inordinately long (over five feet). John said, "no honey I caught it." I started crying and I said, "YOU caught it?!" And then he said, "I caught HIM." And I said, "it's another boy?" And he said, "yes, sweetie it's another boy." It was such an incredible moment. Not only did John "catch" our baby, but he got to be the one to tell me the gender. With out other 2 boys, we had found out the sex ahead of time, but since we were doing everything else differently this time around, we decided to wait on finding out out the sex (to the chagrin of all our friends and family) Dr. O then walked in the room, and said congratulations. She reached out to shake John's hand, and he said, "I really don't think you want to shake my hand right now." LOL A few minutes after that, our doula got there. She didn't charge me the rest of the fee (I had only paid a retainer) It was such an unbelievable experience. I know now that I can do ANYTHING. I laboured by myself, up to and including transition, and had an unmedicated birth.
If you had a magic carpet that could take you anywhere and show you anything, where would you go, and why?
I would go to several places around the world. I would like to see where my uncle lives in Japan. I would love to see Italy, Ireland, Scotland, and Prince Edward Island, Canada because that is where Anne of Green Gables is set. I know, I'm a goofball. I would also like to see India, and check in on my dad in Iraq.
In your experience, what are the "greatest" and "worst" things about being a young mother of three young ones?
Let me start by telling you this. The most difficult transition was going from having 1 child to having 2 children. Going from 0-1 and 2-3 were not nearly as difficult as going from 1-2. But it has been quite a challenge. Here are some of the challenges: Evan is breastfed, and co-sleeps so he is one of these "hold me" babies. I pretty much cannot put him down. I do not believe in letting babies cry it out, or using the Ferber method. So most days, I have accomplished a lot if I have managed to get a shower. You wouldn't believe some of the things I have done one-handed, while holding Evan--I did the dishes, I have used the restroom, I have run the vaccuum, I have eaten countless meals, I have gotten my toddler in and out of the car...all while holding Evan--just to name a few. I feel like I have no identity other than Mom. I have been trying to figure out who I am under all this mom stuff. I have never been an adult without being a mom. I am having sort of an identity crisis if you will. I feel like I have no time to myself. My depression and anxiety have gotten really bad. I have a really, really hard time keeping up with the house. And yes, I have tried Flylady. Flylady worked great for me, even when I was nine months pregnant, but after Evan was born that was the end of that. I feel like I just can't keep up any more. The sheer logistics of just getting everyone into the car to go somewhere is a challenge in and of itself. That is getting easier as Avery is becoming a little more self-reliant. Now for some of the positives. The positive aspects are pretty much the same positive aspects as when you have one child, or two children. Watching them sleep. Hearing their laughter. Seeing that wide-eyed smile. Watching them learn, and do things for the first time, such as crawl, or play on the floor. The love that the boys have for each other is marvelous. Matthew is very protective of Evan. Avery can't seem to get it through his head that Evan's name is Evan. He just calls him Baby. It's really cute. Avery even helps feed Evan baby food! Sometimes, after Evan nurses, Avery will climb up onto the boppy on my lap and say "I onna be baby too!" Those are the moments that I cherish and that I wish I could capture forever.
If you could change one quality of yourself, what would it be and why?
Just one?! Damn. I would be a more patient person. Here's why. This would help me to make other changes that I would like to make. For example, it would help me to be a better parent, it would help with my anxiety, it would help me lose weight, and help me stick with things instead of getting frustrated/bored/etc. It would help me get along better with others.
What qualities are most important to you in a person? Is there anyone that you seek to be like?
There are several qualities that are important to me, including but not limited to honesty, strength of character, compassion, and humility. One person that I would really like to be like is actually a character, oddly enough --Abby, Dharma's mother from Dharma and Greg. There are others, but I can't really think of them right now.
Can you tell me about the birth of your youngest child (the natural childbirth), and why you chose to go that route?
I have had three children. My first two pregancies were very problematic and I had many complications, including being severely preeclamptic. By the time I gave birth to my first child, it was my 4th time being admitted to the hospital. I ended up being there for nine days. I would have liked to have attempted an unmedicated birth, but due to my stroke-level blood pressure, that was not possible. I was in labour for about 33.5 hours total, and I was given an epidural about 21 hours in. After Matthew was born, I was hooked up to at least 3 IV's and due to all of the concerns regarding my health, I wasn't able to nurse him right away. I didn't even get to try to nurse him until he was almost 12 hours old, and he just wouldn't latch on. At that time, the hospital was not as pro-breastfeeding as they are now...they did not have LCs available around the clock, etc. Anyway, we were finger-feeding him with a tube (SNS) and I was pumping, but it just didn't work out. He was crying and frustrated, I was crying and frustrated, and finally I said, just give the baby a bottle. And so he was a formula baby. I had a lot of guilt over that. Any time I saw a commercial or read something about breastfeeding, I would cry. I was 18 years old when he was born, I turned 19 two months later. Anyway, I was so young, and so uneducated regarding pregnancy and birth. Sure I read WHAT TO EXPECT... and THE GIRLFRIENDS' GUIDE... (I didn't know any better, lol) but for the most part I just honestly felt like the doctors and nurses were the experts and I trusted them to do what was "right." At one point, I had to have an amniocentesis and the doctor got the amnio needle *stuck* in my abdomen. It was horrific. I started having abdominal contractions, and my body went into shock. I was shaking and hyperventilating and vomiting, and the doctor walked out of the room without so much as an apology.
On to baby number 2. I didn't get pregnant with Avery until Matthew was 4 years old. I was beginning to think we had become infertile. I still hadn't really bothered to educate myself about birth, etc. I went to the same group of OBs that I had gone to with Matthew. We did attend the childbirth refresher course, breastfeeding course, and sibling course (for Matthew) offered by the hospital. I knew that I wanted to attempt to breastfeed Avery but I was trying not to have my heart set on it. I didn't buy any nursing bras or anything else breastfeeding related, just in case it didn't work out. When I was about 36 weeks or so, I was admitted to the hospital for PIH. I was admitted on a Monday afternoon and released on a Friday afternoon, with strict instructions to check my blood pressure myself at home, and with a prescription for the high blood pressure. I made it through the weekend, and then Monday morning I had a regularly scheduled appointment. My bp was through the roof, and I was spilling +4 protein into my urine. Dr. J (the only one in the group I really liked) patted my leg and said, "I think it's time to throw in the towel." and sent me over to the hospital for an induction. I told myself I was going to attempt an unmedicated birth (but of course I had done nothing to prepare for this, lol) but I caved pretty quickly when those pitocin-induced contractions starting hitting me. So again, I had an epidural. When I was fully dilated/effaced and ready to push, the cord slipped around Avery's neck and caused his heart rate to plummet. Suddenly my room looked like a scene from MASH. There were 11 doctors and nurses in my room, plus my husband, his mother, my mother, and 2 of my best friends. Dr. J was the one on call at this time (it was the next day, the day after he sent me over for the induction) so I was very glad that it was him. I trusted him. A nurse put an oxygen mask on me, and they were all flipping me from side to side, and another nurse jabbed a needle into my back. I was very scared. No one was explaining to me exactly what was going on or why. Then I heard Dr. J ask for the forceps. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I said "Can't I just push him out?" Dr. J looked me square in the eye and told me that he was very concerned about the baby's heart rate, and that it was imperative to get the baby out as quickly as possible. I nodded through my tears, and heard my mother say "I don't think you realize how hard she can push!" LOL So he decided to let me try to push. I gave a really good strong push, and on the second one, the baby's head was out. He was completely fine. Because Dr. J thought he was going to use the forceps, he had done an episiotomy in which I was cut diagonally. During the birth process, the episiotomy extended into a pretty severe laceration that extended into the labia. I had a LOT of pain postpartum from that. In hindsight, I was angered that he did that to me. But all in all, I know that I am extremely fortunate that I didn't end up with emergency c-sections with both of my first two births.
When Avery was nine months old, I found out I was pregnant with baby #3. I was very freaked out, and scared, and I cried a lot. I was also very worried about what everybody was going to say. I felt so stupid. Well, everyone was happy for us. I quickly got past my fear, and my apprehension and began to enjoy the pregnancy. I knew for sure that I was going to breastfeed this baby, as I had successfully nursed Avery for ten months. I started considering hiring a doula. I wasn't sure about wanting an unmedicated birth, but I knew that I wanted to experience this birth for the sacred life event that it is, rather than as a medical emergency as I had with my previous births. I found the MOM AND BABY PRE NATAL YOGA video with Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa on eBay and bought it and loved it! I can honestly say that video inspired me to make some very important, positive, and life-changing choices. I was getting more exercise, drinking more pure water, paying more attention to what I ate, trying to eat more natural foods, and perhaps most importantly, becoming more in tune with my own body. When I was five months along, I started looking for a doula. I contacted several, and interviewed four. I really felt like I clicked with the one I ended up hiring, S. She lent me a video that showed a natural, home birth, and recommended several books to me. I read the Bradley book, Birthing From Within, The Birth Partner, The Birth Book, and The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. My husband also read The Thinking Woman's Guide... and The Birth Partner. During one conversation with my doula, S, we talked about the group of OBs that I went to. She recommended a local dr. and I ended up switching doctors at six months pregnant. I am so very thankful that Dr. Oak took me on six months pregnant, with my high-risk status, and history of complications. By that point in time, I knew I wanted to have a natural birth, and I knew that I wouldn't get it if I stayed with the group I was with. There aren't any alternative birthing centers reasonably near here, and lay midwifery is illegal in this state so a home birth was out of the question. However, I had a lot of faith and trust in my new doctor, as well as in my doula. S had attended births at this hospital previously. I found a Birthing From Within instructor, Irene, and she didn't have any classes coming up, so we made arrangements to have private classes with her in our home. Those classes helped me so much! I learned what my best coping mechanisms are. I learned a lot about my strength, and my capabilities. I learned that music helped me immensely. I could just go inside myself and concentrate on the music. So then I started picking out labour music. My favourites were Loreena McKennitt and Enya. The BFW instructor, Irene, was so helpful, and it turns out she is a doula also. If I hadn't already retained S, I probably would have hired Irene instead. I just clicked better with Irene...she was more like me. If we ever have another baby (probably in 5 years or so) I intend to hire Irene to be my doula, and have a home birth. Anyway, on a Thursday evening, Matthew had soccer practice, so while he was at practice, John and I put Avery in the stroller and did the walking trail (almost 3 miles) at the park where his soccer practice was. I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions for some time, and in hindsight I am sure that I was in pre-labour. The next morning I got up and had breakfast with John and told him not to stray too far from the office...I just had a feeling. I put Matthew on the school bus and went back to bed, having contractions 7-10 minutes apart all morning. I just laid in bed, drifting in and out of sleep. (Avery is a late sleeper) By 11 am, they were 7-8 minutes apart. By 12 pm, they were 3-5 minutes apart. My mom lives downstairs from us, and she came home from work for lunch at 12 p.m. During the time that she was home for lunch, I had several contractions, I couldn't eat, and I kept feeling like I had to go to the bathroom. At this point I was pretty sure that This Was It. Every time I had a contraction, I made some excuse to leave the room and then I would go into the bathroom or the nursery to breathe through the contraction. I didn't want Mom to know I was in labour because I figured I had several hours of labouring at home ahead of me before I would even go to the hospital (part of my plan to have my natural birth was to stay home for as long as possible) and I knew that if she knew I was labour she would freak out and want me to go to the hospital right then. So she finished her lunch and went back to work. I immediately called S, my doula, and told her I was pretty sure I was in labour. She listened to me talk/breathe through a few contractions, and confirmed that it was labour. At this point, the contractions were less than a minute apart, and S advised me to call John (dh), call my dr. and she (S) would meet me at the hospital. I called John and told him to come home, then I called my mom at work, and told her to come home to stay with Avery and get Matthew off the school bus. I called Dr. O and at that point, I felt like I was going to have the baby right there in the living room. I was kneeling over the rocking chair, moaning. I had my Loreena McKennitt CD on, and I was in transition. I was shaking and sweating, and almost incoherent. The one coherent thought that I had was that I was thinking we had an extra shower curtain liner that I could go get and spread it out on the floor if necessary. I didn't want to ruin the carpet! John got home, with Mom right behind him. It took us about 5 minutes to gather up a few things and get out the door, but we left the house at about 1:25 p.m. Just walking from my front door to my car which was parked in the driveway, I had to stop twice for contractions. As we were turning onto the street that leads to the hospital my water broke. It was such a relief! (for a moment) After the initial feeling of surprise and relief, I then had the urge to push in a really strong way. It was all I could do to fight it. I had John drive up to the Emergency entrance because I didn't want to waddle through the regular part of the hospital covered in amniotic fluid, etc. John ran in ahead of me and came back out with an EMT. The EMT was trying to get me to get out of the car, but I was having contractions one on top of another and I couldn't even think about trying to get out of the car, much less actually attempt doing so. He was really pestering me, saying, "maam, can you get out of the car...maam do you need help getting out of the car." Finally, I looked right at him and said, "Can you give me a goddamned minute?!" He backed off then. I got out of the car, and then the EMT tried to get me to get in a wheel chair. No way. The baby was crowning and I could feel it and there was no way in hell I was going to sit down. We got inside the hospital and an ER nurse escorted us from the ER to L & D. Let me tell you, I never realized just how far apart they were! We went through a back/access hallway, and I kept having to stop and lean on the wall and breathe/moan through contractions. The poor nurse had a death grip on my arm! I think she knew that if she let go of me, I would have just sat down on the floor and had the baby right there in the hallway. And I would have. I was to that point. Every time somebody came upon us or passed us, they tried to get a wheelchair. If I had a dollar for every person that tried to get my butt in a wheelchair, I could have paid the doula fee in cash! Apparently, the ER had called ahead to L&D because when we got there, there was a gaggle of doctors and nurses waiting for us. I looked around for Dr. O and someone told me that she had just called from her cell phone to say she was parking her car and would be right in. I remember saying something like, "well, she better hurry." I was still refusing the wheelchair, and at this point, one of the nurses pushed me down into a wheelchair and was pushing me down the hall backwards. Every room they tried to put me in, there was a problem--either the room wasn't prepped, or there was already a patient in it! They finally got me into a room, and several of the nurses started getting everything ready like they thought they were going to have this regular, high-tech birth. They were putting paper in the EFM, getting the IV ready, etc. I would have laughed if I hadn't been in so much pain. I then heard one of the nurses say, "let's lift her onto the bed." I said, "you can't lift me, I'm too fat" and I stood up and slipped off my right shoe. As I was getting ready to slip off my left shoe (my thought was just to get up on the bed on my hands and knees so I could have the baby) another nurse removed my pants, and the baby was literally born right then! Remember how I said we left the house at 1:25 pm...the baby was born at 1:42 pm. As soon as I realized what had happened, I looked behind me and squawked, "did the baby hit the floor?! did the baby hit the floor?!" I was so concerned because when I had Avery, his umbilical cord was inordinately long (over five feet). John said, "no honey I caught it." I started crying and I said, "YOU caught it?!" And then he said, "I caught HIM." And I said, "it's another boy?" And he said, "yes, sweetie it's another boy." It was such an incredible moment. Not only did John "catch" our baby, but he got to be the one to tell me the gender. With out other 2 boys, we had found out the sex ahead of time, but since we were doing everything else differently this time around, we decided to wait on finding out out the sex (to the chagrin of all our friends and family) Dr. O then walked in the room, and said congratulations. She reached out to shake John's hand, and he said, "I really don't think you want to shake my hand right now." LOL A few minutes after that, our doula got there. She didn't charge me the rest of the fee (I had only paid a retainer) It was such an unbelievable experience. I know now that I can do ANYTHING. I laboured by myself, up to and including transition, and had an unmedicated birth.
If you had a magic carpet that could take you anywhere and show you anything, where would you go, and why?
I would go to several places around the world. I would like to see where my uncle lives in Japan. I would love to see Italy, Ireland, Scotland, and Prince Edward Island, Canada because that is where Anne of Green Gables is set. I know, I'm a goofball. I would also like to see India, and check in on my dad in Iraq.
In your experience, what are the "greatest" and "worst" things about being a young mother of three young ones?
Let me start by telling you this. The most difficult transition was going from having 1 child to having 2 children. Going from 0-1 and 2-3 were not nearly as difficult as going from 1-2. But it has been quite a challenge. Here are some of the challenges: Evan is breastfed, and co-sleeps so he is one of these "hold me" babies. I pretty much cannot put him down. I do not believe in letting babies cry it out, or using the Ferber method. So most days, I have accomplished a lot if I have managed to get a shower. You wouldn't believe some of the things I have done one-handed, while holding Evan--I did the dishes, I have used the restroom, I have run the vaccuum, I have eaten countless meals, I have gotten my toddler in and out of the car...all while holding Evan--just to name a few. I feel like I have no identity other than Mom. I have been trying to figure out who I am under all this mom stuff. I have never been an adult without being a mom. I am having sort of an identity crisis if you will. I feel like I have no time to myself. My depression and anxiety have gotten really bad. I have a really, really hard time keeping up with the house. And yes, I have tried Flylady. Flylady worked great for me, even when I was nine months pregnant, but after Evan was born that was the end of that. I feel like I just can't keep up any more. The sheer logistics of just getting everyone into the car to go somewhere is a challenge in and of itself. That is getting easier as Avery is becoming a little more self-reliant. Now for some of the positives. The positive aspects are pretty much the same positive aspects as when you have one child, or two children. Watching them sleep. Hearing their laughter. Seeing that wide-eyed smile. Watching them learn, and do things for the first time, such as crawl, or play on the floor. The love that the boys have for each other is marvelous. Matthew is very protective of Evan. Avery can't seem to get it through his head that Evan's name is Evan. He just calls him Baby. It's really cute. Avery even helps feed Evan baby food! Sometimes, after Evan nurses, Avery will climb up onto the boppy on my lap and say "I onna be baby too!" Those are the moments that I cherish and that I wish I could capture forever.
If you could change one quality of yourself, what would it be and why?
Just one?! Damn. I would be a more patient person. Here's why. This would help me to make other changes that I would like to make. For example, it would help me to be a better parent, it would help with my anxiety, it would help me lose weight, and help me stick with things instead of getting frustrated/bored/etc. It would help me get along better with others.