i was drawn to the ocean

Bennie got to go home last night. i talked to her on the phone earlier. i had made her a sweet potato bake with apples and brown sugar, etc. (baked sweet potatoes are her favourite food) and was going to take it to her up at the hospital but when i called they told me she wasn't there, so i tried her home number that she had given me. Sure enough, she answered. She sounded very glad to be home, but still in a lot of pain and down/tired. i asked her if i could come by tomorrow (meaning Saturday) because i was making something for her and wanted to bring it to her and she said she wasn't really up for company. i tried to reassure her that i didn't expect her to entertain me or anything, that i just wanted to drop something off for her, but no dice. As soon as i hung up the phone, i started crying. She doesn't need me anymore. i tried to do something so special, so nice for her, and she doesn't want me around long enough to drop it off and be on my way. i also found out that she won't be joining us for Thanksgiving dinner. She doesn't need me anymore.

Word of the day is edify. And no, Milena, that doesn't have anything to do with Avery. ;-)

Fell asleep on the couch for the 2nd night in a row last night. Yes, i am still adjusting to the increased dose of lithium. So here's some grats from yesterday:
Wednesday Night Grats
~ Milena got a job
~ looking forward to Thanksgiving
~ Bennie got the card i sent her and seemed happy to have received it
~ Black Cherry Kool Aid
~ i wasn't afraid of the centipede that was on the wall in the living room

OK, so i'm not The Bangles. i am very tired as my body is adjusting to a higher dose of lithium. And i do mean *very* tired. i took a 4-hour nap this afternoon, was too tired to even eat lunch first.

Monday Night Grats:
~ thunder and lightning
~ watching the clothes spin in the washing machine with Milena. Er, watching with Milena. Not watching the clothes and Milena spin in the washing machine. Just to clarify.
~ got to see kerinda for a few minutes today
~ Evan's first day at LECC went well
~ i didn't freak out about letting Shelby make dinner as part of her project for school, nor did i hover over her or micromanage...this is a pretty big feat for me.
~ Went to see Bennie this evening (i'll explain who Bennie is when i write more about being in the hospital)
~ Bennie seemed really glad to see me, and i even got a few smiles out of her
~ pleasant correspondence with friends
~ didn't run out of gas before making it to the gas station
~ the Moon
~ the boisterous thunderstorm
~ all the prayers, rituals, good vibes, positive energy, kind thoughts, sympathetic words, and general CARING of my wonderful friends and chosen family
~ made it to the hospital and back without incident despite how difficult it was for me due to darkness, rain, and anxiety